Insert Clever Title Here

It's true.
This program i decided to enter sucks.
Well, maybe in a year and several months i will feel better about dedicating my life to something that makes me feel panicked and depressed on a daily basis, and has stripped me of what self confidence i had gained after getting my pilot's license (i can fly a f**king plane, damn it. this seems like it should go a little easier).
Really all i would need is a couple vacations, and stars at my door when i come home at night. One of my coping mechanisms has always been a drive into the stars, to just sit, listen to music that made me melancholy and morose, but somehow happier, and all would be well. That seems like an insurmountable task right now, because that time should be reserved for doing homework, reading up on my anesthesia chapters, and studying note card, memorizing drug doses and effects. So what do i do instead? drink a lot of wine, and do homework while watching bad television. This is hardly coping.
The hardest thing about being a rational human being is the part where you recognize that your way of thinking about the situation is definitely making the situation murky, but you can't seem to make that emotional crap go away-thereby fully internalizing heart and mind into separate boxes. They are so inexplicably intertwined and yet can't seem to communicate very well. They're like a couple going to marriage counseling that have been sleeping in separate beds but are still f**king. The dark task is spocking/dataing it, and understanding both heart and mind: the rational and irrational; and learning to get those two parts communicating to be stronger together is probably going to be my life's work.
But school.....i still don't like it.